"my best-friend is a psycho"

 “It’s a form of death. Many have died this death and forever succumbed to it. I died, I’m yet to resurrect and LOVE is watching.”

“I took the scissors. Held it tightly in my right hand. Tilted my head a little. I thought I was going to be scared. I knew I was scared. But at that point. No! I wasn’t. I was grinning and breathing slowly but deeply. I slowly drew the scissors closer to my neck and I was calm. It felt like a joke. Maybe it was. My whole body was drowning in fear right when the tip of the cold, sharpened metal slightly came in contact with my skin. I raised my left hand to find a pulse. It was racing. And I was still grinning, starring at my own hand ready to press hard and tear up some vein or artery. One strike! Just one strike was going to end it all. I felt powerful. Knowing how precious this existence is, I was going to take a precious life. I had the power to. Only God can do that and a few other fallen nutcases. I was going to escape the suffering. The Devil could not hold me down anymore. I was winning. I had the power of God in my hands. A cold blade...!”

I looked at him right in the eye. He was still grinning. He was calm about it, acting the same damn way he always does. Goofy smile. Subtly dramatic. And being poetic as usual. He was telling the story in the exact same manner he tells me his ‘sexscapades’. He was talking about death with a face full of life. How? In that very moment I tried to find reasons why he would do that. What did I miss? I know everyone say they can read people but I feel like I can do it better than everyone else, just like everyone else.I thought I knew him. Of course he had had encounters with the Devil in the world but hey, I mean, haven’t we all at one point. How bad was his wound? He is logical, couldn’t he turn to logic? What about his dreams? His potential? His family?Me? More questions kept pouring in my head as he unfolded his horror plot. I didn’t have this in mind when I saw his text, 

Hey mf, hope u good. 

Got some crazy story to tell u. Let’s meet at the spot in like 30. 

Bring a sachet.

“ Say something fool,” he teasingly poked my shoulder with a lively and warm smile on his face. 

“ What the actual fuck! Dude! Are you freaking kidding me right now!?” I took a deep sigh. Looked into his glimmering eyes for what felt like a minute and finally managed to utter just two more words. 

“No! Why ?” 

He laughed. Hard. He was laughing at me.

 “ My best-friend is a psycho,” I silently said.

 “Why? You ask. Why? It was because I didn’t know why. I still don’t know why. God. The one who is supposedly love personified, why would He allow the Devil to tear the gown that covered my groin and leave me naked. Lucifer ripped my chest open plucked out my heart and it froze in his cold hands. He reached out for the soul and destroyed whatever was left of it right in my face. It’s like the nigga was flexxing with his powers on me. It would have been nice if he had the courtesy to at least put me back together. He didn’t. I had to do it on my own…” 

Rumbling was his specialty. Some of our chats look like essays because of the long-ass paragraphs This particular rant was different thou. I could feel it was coming from a real space. I didn’t want to disrupt the flow so I just kept my eyes and mouth wide open as he continued. 

“...,you have to mend your own heart and start searching for something that can fill up the hole that had your soul. It’s a form of death. Many have died this death and forever succumbed to it. Only the biblical Job successfully survived it but only after Love and Lucifer were done showing off their powers. I died, I’m yet to resurrect and Love is watching. And I don’t know why” 

He paused to take a look at the fine, tight, jelly and bubbly posterior that was passing by. The dude has serious taste for a well-rounded behind. 

“Your whoreness,”I said, in a calm but stealthily sarcastic tone. 

“Of course child,” he was talking to me but his eyes were still on that hot piece of flesh. 

“ The truth is P,” he continued, “I don’t know why. This shit is confusing for me just as much as it might be for you. That’s my new life, looking for answers, tardily sewing up myself and nursing any wounds from that evil surgery. I’m still not done, imagine that.”

We both laughed. He pulled out Rudland and George from his fan-pack. It reminded me of the first time we met. Tar and nicotine brought us together. Our eagerness to destroy our lungs was the foundation of our relationship. 

I was a Civil major and he was an Arts major and it was exam season. The campus was full of people in the odd hours of the night. On one of those nights, while I was taking a quick break, I saw a figure approaching. It was him. I was low-key afraid but I kept my cool. He mumbled something and I said, 

“ Huh?”

“Light.”I gave it to him. 

“Do your parents know?”

“ No, I don’t think they will understand.”

“Yeeah, I know. Same kind of fucked-up.” 

He has been nothing short of delightful since that day. We shared the R&G sticks in silence. I was now thinking about me. What could possibly happen that would make me want to end my miserable existence? I couldn’t imagine anything but I was scared. I don’t know why too, just like him.What if we were all meant to prove God right. Maybe we were meant to perish because of our lack of knowledge. Because we do not know ‘why’

. “It’s all history now P,” he said, “let’s appreciate our presence here. I will find my soul someday and resurrect. My heart will heal from the Devil’s cold touch and I will cover the scar on my chest with a huge tattoo. I heard getting one is cheap now. I will hide all my scars with beauty after my rebirth. I’m going to be reborn into a god my friend, a supernatural force or galactic creature. Anything that is not human. I’m going to use the godly power that i had when I held the scissors to create a me that I never knew existed.”

“Man! I’m honestly speechless.”