Newbie’s Inside Voice: Before Lockdown.

"There is always so much beyond the obvious."

NB* THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT  FROM THE MONOLOGUES  I OFTEN HAVE IN MY HEAD.

What’s happening? What is that sharp beeping sound? I’m right in the middle of

something for crying out…Fuck! It’s my alarm and I’m late for work. Screw me! It’s

the second time this week. And that dream, with my ex. Really? There is already a

damp spot on my boxers. Great. Just great.

‘Dry wash’ today, it’s not like I have a choice. Please let there be no one in that

bathroom. I’m not getting into a ZUPCO, last time was bad enough. Besides, if I do I

will just end up disrespecting all those sad, old, mean souls and I cannot beat them at

their own game.

Damn! The tall guy is still bathing. You are dark dude, an extra minute won’t change

a thing. If only I could scream that out loud. That’s it. I’m not bathing, lemme grab a

wet towel. Colour Me and a dope outfit will do the trick.

In 15 I should be done…..

   ***

I think I’m slowly starting to despise these car owners especially the ones who own

nice cars. No matter how desperate you look, they never stop. Am I going to do the

same when I get my own? Highly likely. I know me. Maybe the question is am I ever

going to own mine.

That one could be pulling over, might just get lucky.

“Town?”

“Yea, I just need two more people.”

“Imarii?” Please say 40bond.

“How much do you usually pay?”

Good question. I’m getting in. I will give him 30. He will understand, besides, he

doesn’t look like he really needs the money.I just hope he speeds up, I gotta be at

most 30minutes late.

Whose idea was it again to get that high yesterday. Classic Igal. Always calling

yourself a star. I wonder if Justin Sylvester ever did all this or he just ended up

hosting Daily Pop on E!

Wow! These seats are really comfortable…..

 ***

“Mundisiyewo panomirika.”

I always do this, I never specify where I wanna be dropped off. Am I too polite or just

dumb? Maybe he could have taken me somewhere close to Joina. But hey, I’m

already walking. I should pace faster. People are starring thou, at me. It could be the

haircut, Nice sure did a great job. That guy is short. Damn. I wonder what he is most

insecure about.

It’s almost 7, walking ain’t cutting it, I gotta run if I’m going to secure the corner spot.

It’s good that the corner spot is so far away from Her office and Their ‘poshto’. I

should be able to constantly check my messages, no hustles. How did I get here? I bet

they don’t have their phones taken at Mighty Movies. I bet they also don’t get coupons

and promo codes…

***

I will deal with the hair later. Setting up first. Thank God they are late too. But He is

never late. God knows how much He annoys the shit out of me. Sometimes I actually

think he is a little crazy. Am I like him? All the reasonable ones hate him too. I could

tell from the chats in Puppets yesterday. What if the ass-licking snitches told him

about my mini-revolution. Ndakafarisa.How do they not want to fight thou, I mean,

does verbal abuse get any worse than this. That light chick even told us how they told her that mukanwa make mukunhuwa. They all had confessions. Even Idzai. It is not just

me, most newbies despise them. Particularly Him.

They have foul mouths. No respect for boundaries.Also very good at their jobs. I

would like to think I’m good at my job too. Sometimes. But the jokes man, His

laughing. I get why they do it thou, they both have serious insecurities about their

looks. That Psychology Today article said it's their way of making sure that no one

focuses on their unattractive attributes. It makes sense.

If I wasn’t afraid of not coming back like every other newbie, I would have filed a

complaint. Someone raised that point in Puppets yesterday but fear bro. Fear. Fear of

more ridicule. Fear of handling a serious issue with the seriousness it deserves and the

biggest, fear of not coming back. Everyone low key wants to impress and come back,

yours truly included. Zvinozongoramba hazvo.

The daily tortures aside, this is a life-changing gig.

Gagan says tisu tinovajaidza. He could be right. Gagan. What’s his deal? The nigga

intrigues me…..

***

I have a 10.30 but It’s too far. Shit! I’m out of polony. I shouldn’t have bought those sneakers at once. Now I’m here. That financial wellness lady should visit again. Growing

up sucks, how do I even balance work meals, home groceries, wardrobe, transport and

fun.

I almost forgot I have to collect my money and buy more ingredients. They seem to

like the chocolate ones. I also should stop selling on credit, no exceptions. I’m sure

they all think I’m not fit to be vending but they don’t know my story. No one really

knows anyone.

My numbers are dwindling, I should be less polite maybe my numbers will

improve. I’m genuinely giving it my all here but no one sees that. I’m just a lazy

Newbie. She actually complains that I complain too much. Do I? I honestly feel like

there are real concerns. Maybe I am a little childish…..

 ***

"Pfeee". Someone sent pfeee in Puppets. It’s Nkoe. Hope he is not lying. I heard it's a

5K coupon. Lemme actually start planning for it.

“ Iwe! Don’t you have a 10.30, let’s go get something.”

“Oh, it’s already time. Wait for me, I have to get my wallet.”